A Very Useful Guide to Technology

Given the recent events involving Toby and her computing aptitude, many of us have been left rather confused. Knowing that Santa Royale is technologically ahead by a least 15 years, I've been unable to focus on the plot while trying to make sense of all the things computers can do. I hope this little guide will help everyone who is in the same Bum Boat as me.

MagnoMail Lite

Features include:

* Small, compact monitor capable of displaying up to 4 lines of text per screen
* 86pt text
* No "mouse" accessory or other cumbersome add-ons



PortaMail Pro

Features include:

* Hip, slimline look
* 100% portable (sometimes called a "lap-top")
* 92pt text allows up to 3 lines per screen
* No silly, unnecessary programs - only can be used for electronic mail




MediScan SR93

Features include:

* Convenient 6x10 monitor
* Simple, non-cluttered screen displays precise graphs
* Does not actually scan



SecuroCompute XL

Features include:

* Maximum 1 line of text per screen leaves you less vunerable to others seeing large amounts of personal information
* TextMuddle option - displays scribbles rather than text as you type
* Perfect for those with past problems of computer security




AdvancedTech Mini

Features include:

* Multiple items per screen for advanced users
* Normal text size for the non-vision impaired
* Optional accessories like a "mouse" for expert programmers
*MicroType one-handed cordless keyboard with 22 letter keys, 7 number keys, and no obsolete function keys (thank you toonhead, you have a keen eye!)




MidComp Deluxe

Features include:

* Comes with 2 programs - limited internet for shopping and electronic mail - for the moderately advanced user
* Ideal for women
* Mouseless operation
* No filters for spam, junk mail, promotional offers, unsolicited sales email, mass virus-infected mail, scams, "too good to be true" offers
* Automatically deletes bothersome legitimate emails warning of phishing and compromised account security when you register for any site

Two isn't always better than one

I certainly don't expect perfection from Mary Worth insofar as all clothing being structurally accurate (such as all raglan sleeved tops having an unnecessary top shoulder seam) and I try not to let the fact that garments often drastically change over the course of a storyline drive me mad. However, sometimes wearables defy all reason, logic, reality, and taste. For instance, take this ghastly suit:




You may immediately notice the mandarin collar; this, however, is not a problem in and of itself. Everyone knows that Santa Royalites have managed to keep the mandarin collar a fashion forward detail since 1994 and when you stopped wearing them that it was you whose fashion sense regressed.

Anyways, the problem is that fact that this suit has two mandarin collars, intended to be worn stacked upon each other. I'm fairly certain that there is not a suit in the world that is comprised of (and in lavender, no less) a skirt, a jacket, and a quilted, possibly down, mandarin collar parka overcoat, all intended to be worn as one outfit. I feel pretty confident in my assertion that no suit such as this, past or present, has ever existed in reality. But if you can prove me wrong and track down a real example of this monstrosity, I will happily sew you one of the following classic Mary Worth outfits:

Option A: Casual weekender top with banded bottom and cuffs with matching "workout" accessory - made of 100% blended synthetic fibers

Option B: For the menfolk, slim fit electric blue track pants with double racing stripe paired with tan banded top, 1 size too small


Option C: Tailored easy-care purple outfit with 12-inch rise, darted, side-zip pants and johnny collar top, 100% double knit polyester