And I only shop at reputable stores!

Canada? No, of course not!

As the days (and days, and days) pass in which I arise each morning to a hysterical Toby in those darn shorts on the phone, the more I felt that a pair for myself would be the only respectable thing to do. My only regret is that I didn't have lavender houndstooth. And we're also not going to discuss why I had roughly 5 yards of houndstooth on hand.

After 9 days of fraud-induced hysterics, do you think Toby's face will stick this way?

As you can clearly see, these are every bit as flattering as the original.

A Case of Questionable Decor

Most units at Charterstone are decorated with an abundance of hideous decorative pillows and extensive, if not obsessive, collections of cut crystal bottles and candy dishes. However, interesting things pop up now and again, and I think they warrant a closer examination.

Um, I generally don't leave mine on display next to my jewelry box, but whatever floats your Bum Boat, I suppose.

That's better. Your bedside table is really where those things belong.

Fat and/or naked ceramic figurines seem to grace nearly every bookshelf in Charterstone, but fetal kittens entombed in Pyrex seem to be a little rarer. Kind of like those scorpion paperweights, I suppose, but somewhat more severe.

Now I know what this is, so I think this is more a matter of poor execution of illustration. However, I think of how easy it would be to gouge out both my eyes in one quick stroke every time I read The Family Circus.

Everyone likes a nice poster of a pretty girl hanging in their office, but ripping out a lipstick ad from Elle seems a bit weird.

And my personal favorite, the Arcade Fish, which most definitely needs to also be in shirt form. Soon.

Holy Moly! The Pretty Purposes Collection has lamps too.

(sorry about tiny pictures, I don't have the time to resize them all!)

Vote!

Being too poor to actually buy any of Santa Royale's hip, couture fashions, I must make them myself. With so many inspiring and majestic designs, I'd like some opinions. What would you really like to see next?

The Serenity Starfish Top

Far too elegant to just be called a "tee-shirt", this top embodies the peace and beauty of the ocean (when the weather allows.) Perfect for a semi-formal dinner date at the Bum Boat.


The Modern Squares Tunic

Time consuming, yes, but guaranteed to be an immensely satisfying endeavor as it will undoubtedly be the most unflattering thing I've ever created.


The Year-Round Scuba Dress

So very versatile, this dress seems to be not really appropriate for any season, so thus can and should be worn throughout the year. Combining eastern details with stiff, thick polyester makes for an outfit reminiscent of the most American sport of all time: scuba diving.


The Shroom Striped V-Neck

Remember that time in college when you ate some "special" chocolates and the shag carpet in the basement looked like the Sahara Desert? Same goes for this top, except the stripes look like beautiful ocean waves, crashing on the beach. Listen close - the rustling of polyester will sound like seagulls.


You can vote in the poll to the right.

Hairdos, but mostly hairdon'ts

My laptop's power cord stopped working again for the 4th time in 5 months, so I've been without my computer, and also without Mary Worth, for nearly a week and a half. My dear friend Becky was gracious enough to read the strip to me over the phone because I was getting somewhat edgy not knowing how Toby's fraud ordeal was progressing. I really didn't miss that much though - all Toby has managed to accomplish is a quick swim and listening to her voice mail over the last 10 or so days.

Anyways, although it might be less scary to forget that we saw Ian's chest hair, we cannot, and it really should be talked about. This post pales in comparison to the Milford Pantheon of Hair, but it is a necessary discussion nevertheless.



I expected Ian to have either no chest hair or tons, sprouting out the top of his casual banded polos. It's surprisingly sparse.

According to the Beard Chart on this page (Should males wear a beard? Should Ian wear a beard?), Ian's style is called a chin curtain. I approve.

Here's the 7-strand comb over that many of you have pointed out - why even try, really?

The flat-ironed Dorothy Hamill:


Not only do we get the 7-Stranded Wonder here, but also the unfortunate result of a mishap involving a 1994 guide to hairstyles, scissors, and the infamous Bag o' Drugs:


I'll add more as I come across them, or if you can think of a particular style that should be here, by all means, please let me know.

Two isn't always better than one

I certainly don't expect perfection from Mary Worth insofar as all clothing being structurally accurate (such as all raglan sleeved tops having an unnecessary top shoulder seam) and I try not to let the fact that garments often drastically change over the course of a storyline drive me mad. However, sometimes wearables defy all reason, logic, reality, and taste. For instance, take this ghastly suit:




You may immediately notice the mandarin collar; this, however, is not a problem in and of itself. Everyone knows that Santa Royalites have managed to keep the mandarin collar a fashion forward detail since 1994 and when you stopped wearing them that it was you whose fashion sense regressed.

Anyways, the problem is that fact that this suit has two mandarin collars, intended to be worn stacked upon each other. I'm fairly certain that there is not a suit in the world that is comprised of (and in lavender, no less) a skirt, a jacket, and a quilted, possibly down, mandarin collar parka overcoat, all intended to be worn as one outfit. I feel pretty confident in my assertion that no suit such as this, past or present, has ever existed in reality. But if you can prove me wrong and track down a real example of this monstrosity, I will happily sew you one of the following classic Mary Worth outfits:

Option A: Casual weekender top with banded bottom and cuffs with matching "workout" accessory - made of 100% blended synthetic fibers

Option B: For the menfolk, slim fit electric blue track pants with double racing stripe paired with tan banded top, 1 size too small


Option C: Tailored easy-care purple outfit with 12-inch rise, darted, side-zip pants and johnny collar top, 100% double knit polyester

My parents went to Santa Royale* and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Despite the rather morbid scene depicting kittens being boiled alive, it's just so darn whimsical that it'd put a smile on anyone's face.

*Okay, okay, this is just the inevitable product of an evening of sewing, vodka tonics, and Mary Worth.