And I only shop at reputable stores!

Canada? No, of course not!

As the days (and days, and days) pass in which I arise each morning to a hysterical Toby in those darn shorts on the phone, the more I felt that a pair for myself would be the only respectable thing to do. My only regret is that I didn't have lavender houndstooth. And we're also not going to discuss why I had roughly 5 yards of houndstooth on hand.

After 9 days of fraud-induced hysterics, do you think Toby's face will stick this way?

As you can clearly see, these are every bit as flattering as the original.

Toby, you let me down

All week, Toby, all week, we've seen you in that lavender linked hearts shirt. I was hopeful, optimistic even, that you were wearing something equally decent on the bottom. Although the shirt may be a bit juvenile, it is a refreshing departure from the revolting patterns so popular in Santa Royale, and certainly better than things you've worn in the past. Toby, I was expecting some kicky clamdiggers or maybe a flirty Just-Be-Gauze skirt. Even matching lavender pants, which I know you own, would not have disappointed me as much as you did yesterday. You wore a houndstooth skirt, proving that your sense of fashion is just as dull as Sean Finnery's drawling narration.

Mary Worth and the garish geometric prints

While Mary is impeccably dressed in one of her exquisite salmon suits, a majority of the Santa Royale ladies wear outdated, tired, geometric printed tops. I surmise that this is a doing of Mary herself and these women would face dire consequences if they refuse to wear Mary's clothing from 20 years ago. As long as Mary can keep them dowdy, the less likely they are to bag a doctor for a husband.



I think I can reasonably say that the following panel can serve as a warning to ladies of Santa Royale as to what might become of them should they dare to cross Mary. I'm not sure exactly what it implies (a torso can be easily modified to create a useful and stylish household item?), but approaching Mary with caution is likely your best bet.


No need to worry - should Mary ever run out of the humiliating (and mandated) garments, she can purchase them here.

Price: Your soul and/or dignity, payable directly to Mary Worth.

The Houndstooth from Hell

I imagine there was a lone bolt of houndstooth polyblend collecting dust in the corner of a discount store when the executive seamstress of Santa Royale purchased it. Now, as evidenced in the above panel, the fabric does not look terrible when used to upholster. It would also have made some nice placemats, chefs’ aprons, or even window treatments. But no, it became some rather offensive sports jackets and at least one skirt. Why? Why?