And I only shop at reputable stores!

Canada? No, of course not!

As the days (and days, and days) pass in which I arise each morning to a hysterical Toby in those darn shorts on the phone, the more I felt that a pair for myself would be the only respectable thing to do. My only regret is that I didn't have lavender houndstooth. And we're also not going to discuss why I had roughly 5 yards of houndstooth on hand.

After 9 days of fraud-induced hysterics, do you think Toby's face will stick this way?

As you can clearly see, these are every bit as flattering as the original.

Vote!

Being too poor to actually buy any of Santa Royale's hip, couture fashions, I must make them myself. With so many inspiring and majestic designs, I'd like some opinions. What would you really like to see next?

The Serenity Starfish Top

Far too elegant to just be called a "tee-shirt", this top embodies the peace and beauty of the ocean (when the weather allows.) Perfect for a semi-formal dinner date at the Bum Boat.


The Modern Squares Tunic

Time consuming, yes, but guaranteed to be an immensely satisfying endeavor as it will undoubtedly be the most unflattering thing I've ever created.


The Year-Round Scuba Dress

So very versatile, this dress seems to be not really appropriate for any season, so thus can and should be worn throughout the year. Combining eastern details with stiff, thick polyester makes for an outfit reminiscent of the most American sport of all time: scuba diving.


The Shroom Striped V-Neck

Remember that time in college when you ate some "special" chocolates and the shag carpet in the basement looked like the Sahara Desert? Same goes for this top, except the stripes look like beautiful ocean waves, crashing on the beach. Listen close - the rustling of polyester will sound like seagulls.


You can vote in the poll to the right.

I think I'll make scampi

How right you are Mary, wearing this shirt makes one feel fresh and tropical, which is an attitude very much conducive to cooking seafood.

The fascinating thing about this shirt is that it is very much an anomaly. Truly in a league of its own, it is stylistically very different from typical Santa Royale fashions. It is clear that this was not the work of the deranged local screen printer (which will be covered in detail in an upcoming post), leaving me to assume it was purchased on a trip to Boca Raton.

Toby, you let me down

All week, Toby, all week, we've seen you in that lavender linked hearts shirt. I was hopeful, optimistic even, that you were wearing something equally decent on the bottom. Although the shirt may be a bit juvenile, it is a refreshing departure from the revolting patterns so popular in Santa Royale, and certainly better than things you've worn in the past. Toby, I was expecting some kicky clamdiggers or maybe a flirty Just-Be-Gauze skirt. Even matching lavender pants, which I know you own, would not have disappointed me as much as you did yesterday. You wore a houndstooth skirt, proving that your sense of fashion is just as dull as Sean Finnery's drawling narration.

My parents went to Santa Royale* and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Despite the rather morbid scene depicting kittens being boiled alive, it's just so darn whimsical that it'd put a smile on anyone's face.

*Okay, okay, this is just the inevitable product of an evening of sewing, vodka tonics, and Mary Worth.