Toby, you let me down

All week, Toby, all week, we've seen you in that lavender linked hearts shirt. I was hopeful, optimistic even, that you were wearing something equally decent on the bottom. Although the shirt may be a bit juvenile, it is a refreshing departure from the revolting patterns so popular in Santa Royale, and certainly better than things you've worn in the past. Toby, I was expecting some kicky clamdiggers or maybe a flirty Just-Be-Gauze skirt. Even matching lavender pants, which I know you own, would not have disappointed me as much as you did yesterday. You wore a houndstooth skirt, proving that your sense of fashion is just as dull as Sean Finnery's drawling narration.

Mary Worth and the garish geometric prints

While Mary is impeccably dressed in one of her exquisite salmon suits, a majority of the Santa Royale ladies wear outdated, tired, geometric printed tops. I surmise that this is a doing of Mary herself and these women would face dire consequences if they refuse to wear Mary's clothing from 20 years ago. As long as Mary can keep them dowdy, the less likely they are to bag a doctor for a husband.



I think I can reasonably say that the following panel can serve as a warning to ladies of Santa Royale as to what might become of them should they dare to cross Mary. I'm not sure exactly what it implies (a torso can be easily modified to create a useful and stylish household item?), but approaching Mary with caution is likely your best bet.


No need to worry - should Mary ever run out of the humiliating (and mandated) garments, she can purchase them here.

Price: Your soul and/or dignity, payable directly to Mary Worth.

Two isn't always better than one

I certainly don't expect perfection from Mary Worth insofar as all clothing being structurally accurate (such as all raglan sleeved tops having an unnecessary top shoulder seam) and I try not to let the fact that garments often drastically change over the course of a storyline drive me mad. However, sometimes wearables defy all reason, logic, reality, and taste. For instance, take this ghastly suit:




You may immediately notice the mandarin collar; this, however, is not a problem in and of itself. Everyone knows that Santa Royalites have managed to keep the mandarin collar a fashion forward detail since 1994 and when you stopped wearing them that it was you whose fashion sense regressed.

Anyways, the problem is that fact that this suit has two mandarin collars, intended to be worn stacked upon each other. I'm fairly certain that there is not a suit in the world that is comprised of (and in lavender, no less) a skirt, a jacket, and a quilted, possibly down, mandarin collar parka overcoat, all intended to be worn as one outfit. I feel pretty confident in my assertion that no suit such as this, past or present, has ever existed in reality. But if you can prove me wrong and track down a real example of this monstrosity, I will happily sew you one of the following classic Mary Worth outfits:

Option A: Casual weekender top with banded bottom and cuffs with matching "workout" accessory - made of 100% blended synthetic fibers

Option B: For the menfolk, slim fit electric blue track pants with double racing stripe paired with tan banded top, 1 size too small


Option C: Tailored easy-care purple outfit with 12-inch rise, darted, side-zip pants and johnny collar top, 100% double knit polyester

My parents went to Santa Royale* and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Despite the rather morbid scene depicting kittens being boiled alive, it's just so darn whimsical that it'd put a smile on anyone's face.

*Okay, okay, this is just the inevitable product of an evening of sewing, vodka tonics, and Mary Worth.

Nothing says "husband material" like a banded bottom polo (in a 60/40% cotton/poly blend)

Oh boy, do I love men in banded polos! Obviously, men who take the time to select such a fashionable yet classic piece are relaxed and approachable but know the value of being crisp, clean, and presentable. Banded polos are not just for teen-agers anymore, but look great on the mature set, as they add a dash of youthfulness while maintaining a respectable image. You can never go wrong with a banded polo.




Don't forget that banded polos are always a great addition to Sansabelt jeans!

The Houndstooth from Hell

I imagine there was a lone bolt of houndstooth polyblend collecting dust in the corner of a discount store when the executive seamstress of Santa Royale purchased it. Now, as evidenced in the above panel, the fabric does not look terrible when used to upholster. It would also have made some nice placemats, chefs’ aprons, or even window treatments. But no, it became some rather offensive sports jackets and at least one skirt. Why? Why?

A Remarkable Lack of Plackets

Here we have men’s placketless varsity jackets – faux raglan sleeves give this jacket a youthful feel while the lack of placket and front closure allow for maximum freedom of movement. A perfect choice for heated hospital rows, this jacket says, “Even though I probably won’t, I could sock you at any moment because my arms are not restricted by unnecessary details, like buttons or zippers.”

Also, it's rather obvious that Mary’s personality is so magnetic that her jackets stay closed without conventional closures.